I'm just a character in your stupid film.

I am so emotionally and physically drained right now, I don’t even know what to do.

I hate both of my parents and almost everyone that lives here and I just can’t wait to fucking leave.

Gabe and William: if it weren’t for you two and your music and the fact that I get to see you in a mere 20 days, I probably would have already checked out of hotel life.

And I had a really good time. Sometimes, nights here aren’t so bad.

Unfortunately, I got really badly sunburned and my ears are ringing and my feet hurt like a bitch. Plus, at around 10:45 I started getting tired and delirious and my friend and I were talking about Jurassic Park and I was all, “the fuckin’ birds, man!” I’m really awesome, btw.

Callie bean, I love you. You and about three other people make me feel like the most amazing person ever. I know I had a good time tonight with my ~irl friends, but seriously. You guys will always be the ones I come to when I’ve got srs bsns on my hands. I loveeee youuuu.

I’m really bad at driving and I’ve noticed I’m almost always hungry.

We got our yearbooks today. On the special ~staff page, there’s pictures of all the staff members. The editors forgot to put mine on there. Just another subtle reminder that I am easily forgotten.

I am still obsessed with Howl. And you should be to.

Random but Kaitlyn Thaddeus, you look gorgeous in your little tumblr icon thing. (: 

- Empires’ new cd Howl
- Friends marathons
- quiche with asparagus and vegetarian sausage
- my ~honeydip glasses

slowsymphonies:

Whenever you see the word ‘lube’ does your mind go straight to slashy things like mine? or am i just fucked? =|

 Always.

than I thought I ever would. It’s sort of like Cobra Starship. When I first listened to them, I didn’t rely as much on music as I do now. And then when I finally found out how much it means to me, I went back to all these bands I used to love. And TAI has helped me through so much, from back in freshman year to just last week. I can’t claim to be their biggest fan or the one who’s gone to the most shows or who has the most merch or even the most dedicated because I’m going to be honest, I haven’t been there since the very beginning and I haven’t always been there at all. But to me, fanhood isn’t about time, it’s about the impact they’ve made on you. And believe me, they’ve impacted me in ways I’ve never thought possible. They were the first FBR band I ever listened to and are always the ones I can come back to for TAI TV, great music and lyrics that I truly relate to. I love them all, even the ones who aren’t there anymore, but William Eugene Beckett Junior: I don’t even know if there are words that truly describe how you’ve made me feel these last three years. I owe you and your words and this band so much, and I’m only sorry that it’s taken me so long to realize it.

My two honest to God favorite bands are Cobra Starship and The Academy Is… and even though they’re polar opposites and their singers and their sound couldn’t be more different, those two bands have become best friends and I love seeing them together and it gives me the passion to work harder than ever to be able to get a job at either Fueled by Ramen or Decaydance or Snakes and Suits, because those two and their surrounding people are like a family, and I know now, I want more than ever to be a part of that family.

In other news, I’m really excited for HOWL from Empires. 3 days! :D

I’ve seriously been crying since last night. I feel asleep with my face pressed into a towel; wiping away tears. Thank you, The Academy Is… for you are behind my sudden emotional trainwreck. It started with seeing pictures of old Bill and really missing him and regretting that I never got to see him, and the rest of them, live back then. Then I finally got The Academy EP on my iPod (because I’m lazy and didn’t know it existed when I first got into TAI. Yes, I do in fact suck.) and here we go. But the real icing on the tear-stained cake is when I got ‘The Last Place You Look’ from Remember Maine. Just typing that is making me tighten up, attempting to not cry during yearbook. “East Bound Traffic” makes me bawl every time I hear it, no matter how emo that or he sounds. (Which really, he doesn’t. But I’m sure I’d get shit from people at school if they heard it.) I can’t help it. Little teenage Bill with his acoustic guitar. Singing about shit I can really relate to. Really relate to. Because he was 17 when he wrote them, that’s only a year older than I am now. Although might I say, it also makes me feel like a total failure when I type that, because I’m only a year younger than he was when he put out an album, and I haven’t done shit.

I feel like that pretty accurately describes my life right now.

So many people have come in and out of my life recently, but a select few of you have stayed and made my life amazing. And because of you, I have won the world.

If you do, you should probably know I don’t like you as much as you think I do. I know that sounds awful, but I guess it’s time for me to be truthful. I have major trust issues and currently, the amount of people I trust can probably be counted on one hand. If we go to school together, you don’t know me. You think you do, but you have no fucking idea. I will never let anyone at my school know my true personality because I will be ridiculed and shunned and never looked at in the same way again. And to be honest, it’s not worth it when I only have a little bit of time left here. I’m just going to stick it out, fake it through and rely on people who’ve made me truly happy these recent months. For the first two years of high school, I wasn’t happy. Everyone knew that. Then, I looked happy. I put a smile on, but it wasn’t real. I tried so fucking hard to convince everyone I was happy. I stopped doing what I truly loved doing and abandoned some of the musicians I called my heroes (and to this day, I feel like a horrible fan for that). But I found them again. And along the way, I found some of the greatest people I’ve ever known. I don’t care if you think it’s weird and I don’t care if my mom thinks they’re not real friendships. To me, they’re more than real. They’re perfect. I used to not believe that word could be used in reference to my life. But thanks to the music and the people and especially my boys (yeah, had to put them in here), I know it can.

Kaitlyn Thaddeus, Callie bean, Katie Beckett Williams and Jo: you four are the ones I rely most on these days. Thank you for being there for me.

1. I listen to Viva La Cobra in some form every day, be it the entire album straight through or the songs on shuffle within a playlist.

2. If we’re friends irl, I don’t trust you with shit. I don’t tell you anything and you don’t know me as well as you think you do.

3. I have no intention of dying my hair back to red. I don’t like it, I’ve had it too long and I love my dark brown hair.

4. I believe ‘Ballad of Big Poppa and Diamond Girl’ is about William Beckett. You can tell me otherwise, but I will never be unconvinced.

5. I write everything I need to do on hand, wrist, arm, etc. I don’t understand why not that many people do this because honestly, it’s the only way to take your list with you wherever you go.

6. I don’t like the way my body looks in pictures. I don’t mind it in person, but then when I see a picture, I look short and stubby.

7. I have an unhealthy obsession with the color purple. I loved it before the whole Gabe loves purple thing, but he initiated the creepy obsession haha. Like legit, my toothbrush, my straightener, the outside buttons on my sidekick, my chem notebook, my fanny pack…yeah, they’re all purple.

8. I hardly ever buy music. It’s because I have no money. And yeah, I want to support the bands I love, but instead, I buy shirts. That way, I advertise them more and I get clothes to wear. I only buy cds if I really love the band or really love the album.

9. I eat pretty much the same things every day. Vegetarian breakfast sausage, vitamin water, snapea crisps, vegetarian chili, tortilla chips and avacado. That’s about the extent of my appetite.

10. I’ve never been truly drunk. One time I woke up very sick from the previous night’s endeavors but I remembered everything that happened perfectly clear and still do. I’ve never had a night where I was so intoxicated I don’t know what went down. And I’m really proud of myself for that.